31 by 31 Challenge #10: CHOPPING MALL (1986)

@craiggors

I think the moniker “cult film” gets thrown around a bit too much these days, but when it comes to Jim Wynorski’s Chopping Mall there is no more fitting description. The fandom surrounding the movie alone puts the majority of other cult films to shame, and you’ll struggle to find a more ridiculous yet oddly charming premise than than of a state-of-the-art mall security system featuring three robots that go berserk thanks to a freak lightning accident on the night a group of teens are trespassing. I mean, come on.

In order to cut down on rime and deter thieves, Park Plaza Mall has installed a new, high tech security system featuring alarms, steel doors, barred windows, lock-down procedures, and three pudgy black robots equipped with lasers and tasers. On the night they’re installed, four teenage couples plan to hide out in a furniture store until the coast is clear and then wild out in all the ways you’d expect 80’s teens to get down. The trouble is, the robots’ safety functions have been rewired by a lightning storm and now instead of patrolling to protect, they’re hunting to kill.

As much as Chopping Mall is a cult film–which it certainly is–it is also something else that contemporary audiences don’t see too much of being made these days: a party film. It’s the ideal movie to watch with a group of friends, yummy snacks, and your chosen libation as you revel in the absurdity and embrace the B-movie brilliance. And there truly is lots to embrace, unironically. Kelli Maroney and Barbra Crampton lead a pack of game actors and they’re both fantastic. Maroney in particular had an underrated, under-the-radar career and it’s nice to see her get a moment in the spotlight in this film as the nerdy, prim new face turned badass final girl.

There’s also the nostalgic appeal of mall culture, which was at its heyday at the time the movie was made; a culture that has drastically diminished if not altogether vanished in the age of Amazon. If you ate up the third season of Stranger Things and wanted more, Chopping Mall will scratch that itch. Gone are the days where shopping was an experience, an outing that was combined with the plink-plunk of the arcade, free samples at the food court, and bizarre, brightly colored stage shows in the middle of everything. If you miss such times, or at least remember them fondly, Chopping Mall is the goofy portal back to that era you’ve been missing.

Look, no one out there is grumbling that Platoon unjustly stole the Best Picture Oscar from Chopping Mall in 1986 (although you could make a case for Children of a Lesser God, but I digress). It’s a fun, silly movie that the filmmakers, cast, and fans are all completely aware is absolute nonsense. But that’s the joy of Chopping Mall. Much like the mall culture the movie itself so perfectly encapsulates, the film is a relic of a bygone age, but one that still has champions and new converts in our modern era. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a better popcorn movie for your Halloween get-together, so give it a watch. You’ll really just have the nicest day.

Chopping Mall

  • 5 – Totally Terrifying
  • 4 – Crazy Creepy
  • 3 – Fairly Frightening
  • 2 – Slightly Scary
  • 1 – Hardly Horror

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