31 by 31 Challenge #10: CHOPPING MALL (1986)

@craiggors

I think the moniker “cult film” gets thrown around a bit too much these days, but when it comes to Jim Wynorski’s Chopping Mall there is no more fitting description. The fandom surrounding the movie alone puts the majority of other cult films to shame, and you’ll struggle to find a more ridiculous yet oddly charming premise than than of a state-of-the-art mall security system featuring three robots that go berserk thanks to a freak lightning accident on the night a group of teens are trespassing. I mean, come on.

In order to cut down on rime and deter thieves, Park Plaza Mall has installed a new, high tech security system featuring alarms, steel doors, barred windows, lock-down procedures, and three pudgy black robots equipped with lasers and tasers. On the night they’re installed, four teenage couples plan to hide out in a furniture store until the coast is clear and then wild out in all the ways you’d expect 80’s teens to get down. The trouble is, the robots’ safety functions have been rewired by a lightning storm and now instead of patrolling to protect, they’re hunting to kill.

As much as Chopping Mall is a cult film–which it certainly is–it is also something else that contemporary audiences don’t see too much of being made these days: a party film. It’s the ideal movie to watch with a group of friends, yummy snacks, and your chosen libation as you revel in the absurdity and embrace the B-movie brilliance. And there truly is lots to embrace, unironically. Kelli Maroney and Barbra Crampton lead a pack of game actors and they’re both fantastic. Maroney in particular had an underrated, under-the-radar career and it’s nice to see her get a moment in the spotlight in this film as the nerdy, prim new face turned badass final girl.

There’s also the nostalgic appeal of mall culture, which was at its heyday at the time the movie was made; a culture that has drastically diminished if not altogether vanished in the age of Amazon. If you ate up the third season of Stranger Things and wanted more, Chopping Mall will scratch that itch. Gone are the days where shopping was an experience, an outing that was combined with the plink-plunk of the arcade, free samples at the food court, and bizarre, brightly colored stage shows in the middle of everything. If you miss such times, or at least remember them fondly, Chopping Mall is the goofy portal back to that era you’ve been missing.

Look, no one out there is grumbling that Platoon unjustly stole the Best Picture Oscar from Chopping Mall in 1986 (although you could make a case for Children of a Lesser God, but I digress). It’s a fun, silly movie that the filmmakers, cast, and fans are all completely aware is absolute nonsense. But that’s the joy of Chopping Mall. Much like the mall culture the movie itself so perfectly encapsulates, the film is a relic of a bygone age, but one that still has champions and new converts in our modern era. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a better popcorn movie for your Halloween get-together, so give it a watch. You’ll really just have the nicest day.

Chopping Mall

  • 5 – Totally Terrifying
  • 4 – Crazy Creepy
  • 3 – Fairly Frightening
  • 2 – Slightly Scary
  • 1 – Hardly Horror

31 by 31 Challenge #6: HELL NIGHT (1981)

@craiggors

An ear-piercing scream worthy of consideration for the Jamie Lee Curtis Scream Queen Award (that I just made up). Party-going teens in costume. A pitch black night where anything and everything can go wrong. This is the opening to Hell Night, a once forgotten slasher that failed to attract on its debut, but is far more unique than its basic premise and rote setting would suggest.

It’s Hell Night at the local college, a night of debauchery and ritual hazing meant to induct nubile young co-eds (played by actors clearly pushing thirty, obviously) into Greek life. King of frat life Peter (Kevin Brophy) leads four likable teens to nearby Garth Manor, a Victorian mansion left locked and vacant since the brutal slaughter of the entire family by the deranged father, and the disappearance of the deformed youngest son. If Marti (Linda Blair), Jeff (Peter Barton), Seth (Vincent Van Patten), and Denise (Suki Goodwin) can survive the night alone in the massive house, they’ll be initiated into Alpha Sigma Rho. But as they’ll soon find out, Garth Manor isn’t as empty as it first appears.

Hell Night did not premiere to great fanfare or box office success. Even in 1981, the newly minted slasher genre was overflowing with Halloween (1978) knockoffs and Friday the 13th (1980) copycats. Some of them, like Prom Night (1980) stood out from the crowd, while others floundered. There was just too much competition. It’s a shame, because despite Hell Night‘s paint-by-numbers premise, it’s not quite as cookie cutter as we might think. Take Peter’s monologue explaining the mythology of the house and the massacre that occurred there, for example. In most slashers, that speech would be accompanied by a gauzy flashback where we see the murders committed in pantomime, but not here. Instead, it’s straight dialogue. The film trusts it’s audience to fill in the blanks themselves, a brilliant tactic.

Sure, there’s still lots of slasher tentpoles present. Sex, drugs, isolated locations stalked by a mythic maniac. But then there’s the Gothic set dressing of the manor, an unusual choice for a slasher, which as a rule catered to contemporary teen audiences and moved away from anything too grand or eccentric. It makes the film feel a bit Poe-ish, which is a surprisingly nice touch amidst the standard silliness. Equally unusual for a slasher, there’s no nudity involved in the more titillating scenes. Instead, the film earns its R rating based solely on the violence and though it takes awhile to build to the slice-and-dice, when the kills do happen, they’re quite creative.

Hell Night isn’t Halloween, and that’s okay. It’s not trying to be–and that’s what makes it so fun. Director Tom DeSimone knew his audience, and you can tell the cast did as well. The result is an ideal sleepover movie best watched in early autumn with a heavy blanket, some popcorn, and a mug of warm cider. Snuggle up and give it a watch, you won’t regret it. This I pledge.

Hell Night

  • 5 – Totally Terrifying
  • 4 – Crazy Creepy
  • 3 – Fairly Frightening
  • 2 – Slightly Scary
  • 1 – Hardly Horror